Riham's Blog



Silence, an underrated virtue

You might want to call me Captain Obvious after this, and I am fine with it.  It’s certain that there are plenty of cheesy quotes preaching what I’m about to preach. Let’s not call this preaching, actually, let’s just assume I am thinking out loud.

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When we are under stress, angry, upset, or just temporarily emotionally unstable, the things we are able to come up with and even say never cease to amaze. It can be mean and downright cruel. It can go as far as hearing people tell you, to your face, what you have confided in them, as a way to hurt you. Coming up with what to say in reply usually comes with a sense of achievement, making you feel like you know exactly what to say to end this and come out a winner. The worst part is, even when you kiss and make up, you will still remember that this person has used something you’ve told them against you. It has happened countless times to just about everyone.

While my friend was getting a tattoo recently, the artist told him about a guy who had the word “Shh!” tattooed vertically on the side of his index finger to piss off his girlfriend. I do not know if this is true, and if it is, then this girl is probably in a somewhat abusive relationship and should get out. But keeping how rude and provocative this is aside, it does make a point. If you had kept quiet for a few minutes during that fight, would the consequences have been that bad? If you had waited after coming up with the next best thing to say, would the sense of accomplishment calmed down? Would reason have told you that saying this is a bad idea?

Maybe silence isn’t always the best idea. Sometimes, you need to let it out in order to feel better, move on, get closure, all of those nice things. Sleeping on it first seems to be a good compromise, since you will have had time to process what happened, think whether or not it’s a good idea to speak up, and eventually do what you have to do.

This has been on my mind lately, and I have been applying it. I noticed it’s working out well for me when I actually asked “When did I stop being the insane one and started being the calm and zen one?” The answer is: When I started avoiding unnecessary conflict, that’s when!

So, “Silence is the new loud” might have some negative implications, but in this post, it is understood the positive way. Staying quiet is not a better way to piss off your “opponent”, but a way to facilitate the process of making up. Yes, that’s exactly what they mean.

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Comments

  1. * yasmine says:

    This is so true – the most hurtful things are said when you don’t really mean them.
    It is the best policy usually to be cool and calm in an argument (if you can do that, then you are the proverbial superman) but like it is always said – don’t sleep on an argument. Solve it before sundown because usually it is over something small.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 2 months ago


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